Chapter 32: Sooth

You idiot! I screamed to myself. Why did you say that last part?! I closed the door behind me, sliding down until my caboose I reached the wooden floor. My heart was pounding so, so hard in my chest. Plus, my small intestine was playing jumprole with my stomach. And this is coming from someone on a very full stomach. I wanted to head for the bathroom and throw up, but at this point and time, it was useless. They all heard me. They all saw my face as I faced the truth.

Helia was and will always be in love with me. Till the day my heart stops beating and when I take my final breaths. Until then, I was stuck living in with my wing-man, giving me hints and winks and doing whatever else to make my head spin and my knees shake. There was a time where I actually enjoyed that, but those days were long gone. They were just memories of how happy I was a year ago. I was happy, like happy for the first time in my saddened life of misery and misunderstanding. To sugarcoat this a little more, I heard a meaningful knock, knock! on the door.

"I don't wanna talk," I said, tears exiting my eyes like a monsoon.

"I think it's be best if we did," Helia's perplexed voice was bone chilling. My hand was reaching for the door handle but then I retreated the one and only thing I am around him at affairs like these: a coward. "Irma," he voice had an essence of anger.

I got up from the spot I was in and twisted the doorknob open. I have fears. A lot of them. Right now, I was facing one of them in eyes. Those dark, dark eyes that were sad and happy at the same time. Helia was a confusing person, no doubt about it. He was the x and I was the y in an algebra problem. We're always at the other ends of a problem but somehow end up sticking together like glue at the end. And I wasn't good at math to begin with.

"Did I just have another panic attack?" I asked him, sitting on my bed, hugging a pillow.

"No, you were just playing campfire and things got out of hand, that's all," he sat down next to me. His hair was still short but I could see some of it growing back slowly. His eyes weren't focused on me at the moment, which they usually are, but he just gazed at his open hands. Possibly trying to come up with something to say.

"I didn't mean to hulmiliate you like that," I apologized. I knew for a fact apologizes were a sign of weakness, but seeing as I was weak now, it really didn't matter.

"I think they all knew about that," he smiled. "Did Liz tell you that?"

"Tell me what?" I flushed.

"The whole I'm-still-in-love-with-you-thing?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "She told me when I was perfectly happy...with Joey,"

"Wow," he remarked. "That must have been awkward," he touched my back.

"You have no freaking idea," I covered my face with the pillow, wishing I'd fall asleep and forget about the last five minutes of this glorious night.

"Can we make a deal?" he questioned me unexpectedly.

Huh? I looked up at him, wondering what he had in mind. "What kind of deal?"

"Well, if you tell me what happened between you and Joey, I'll tell you...everything,"

"Everything?" I asked. "What do you mean by-?" a big florescent lightbult when off in my mind. Helia told me he'd explain everything to me one. As in everything, everything. The letter he wrote, why he left, why he rebounded with Charlotte, the girl that made my life worse after discovering Chassidy's disappearance. I've waited so long for this, he had no idea. "Okay, deal," I nodded.

He looked at me again, but this time laid down on my bed and gawked at the ceiling. Yes, we can all conclude Helia's various ways of explaining thing and making me ponder. But this was downright weird. He just said we'd talk, talk about everything. I was waiting. I was waiting to hear this. I had waited almost a year to find out the verity he failed to tell me. The letter he wrote to me made absolutely no sense whatsoever.

"You want me to go first, don't you?" I finally spoke up.

"I think that'd be the best, since my explanation is going to take some time,"

"Fine, Mr.. Perfection," I scooted over to him, putting the pillow behind me. Helia glanced at me as I was trying to come up with something good to say. I didn't want to spitball this. I wanted to sound like I was okay even though I was an emotional wreck deep down.

"Irma?" he asked, touching my hand. "You okay?" it had been over three minutes me just sitting there, thinking.

"Y-yeah," I gulped. "Alright, the truth," I sat up straight. "Well, in a nutshell, Joey is an amazing guy. He treated me like a princess over the summer. When I got angry at him we never got into a fight. When I was upset his shoulder was there for me to cry on. When I wasn't in the mood, well, you know, the monthly thing, he'd come over with Chinese and chocolate. I couldn't ask for anything better than that. Really," I looked at my rings, shiny and silver.

"Something tells me it ended badly," he picked up that vibe I was giving off.

"Yeah, it did," I said. "We were in my room one night, just passing the time. Listening to music, reading a new magazine I got, watching a mov-"

"You're a bad liar," Helia smiled. "Lust is a pleasurable yet deadly sin,"

"Pfft," I snickered. "Mindreader,"

"That's me," he held my hand. "Anyway,"

"It was nice. I was having a good time. I mean, it wasn't our first, but still. It was his presence that really made it good. As soon was we were about to get all up in the moment, something ticked. He couldn't stand the moonlight. He never told me about before, so I was confused for sure. I turned the lights on to see what was happening. I saw him..." I was sobbing, yet again.

"What was wrong with him, Irms?" he asked.

"I saw...I saw his wings, Hel," I hugged my legs, ending up in the fetal position.

"Is he an ang-?"

"No," I cut him off. "He's a fallen, a fallen angel," I bit my lip. "I didn't know what they were at first. I was practically yelling at him when he was going to tell me this. Then, he...screamed it to me. Fallen angels. They're demons. For God's sake, I had fallen in love with a fallen angel."

"Well, that's...ironic,"

"More like uncanny," I said. "Of all people out there in the huge universe, I found a guy who looked innocent and smart and funny and nice. Sure, he still is. But it was the fact that he's always been and will always be a demon."

"So why'd you end it?"

"Why do you think? I'm a celebrity in the magic world, I can't be seen with a demon. I mean, I'm the person who's destined to bring light back into the darkness. I can't be in love with a demon at the same time doing so. It just can't be done." I stopped crying.

"To me, that's makes perfect sense," he pulled hand hand closer to his mouth, practically kissing it. I pulled away a little and felt the caterpillars untangle themselves from their cocoons and turn into newborn butterflies in my tummy. Helia has always been the guy that made my heart to somersaults even though I was talking about another guy. It was almost disturbing.

"Okay, I held up my part of the bargain," I poked his nose. "Your turn,"

"Alright," he said, grabbing both of my arms and pulling me gently even closer to him. I rested next to him as he was about to share his story I was dying to hear. He slowly rubbed my head as he was just about to speak, stroking my hair for the countless time he has done. I was starting to relax, which was odd for me to at a time like this. I'm ordinarily nervous at this point, moving around, on the edge of my seat, waiting for the news. Waiting for it.

"Whenever you're ready," I placed my hand on his neck, nodding. He grabbed onto it and moved it towards his face and closing his eyes, with a familiar grin.

"Did you know that different planets have different customs?" he asked. At this point, it was best to go along with his describing ways. In spite of everything, he could be a very good author or professional speaker.

"Well, I'd think so since different people from different countries on Earth do numbers of unique things. So, yeah, I guess," I answered.

"I was talking to Stella the other day," he mentioned. "She said when a couple gets engaged on Ivy, they don't use engagement rings."

"What do they use then?"

"A certain flower found in the mountains," he smiled. "It has an acidic color and supposedly smells like roses and lily's combined. From what she said,"

"Huh," I said. "What about..." I giggled. "What about Chime? Know anything interesting?"

"Let's see," he pondered. "Well, the more traditional part of the planet greets friends and family by bowing and saying something very formally in their language."

"Seems right since the planet is one of the eldest in the universe and is very...formal," I shrugged.

He snickered. Then beamed again. "Jamie told me his planet's not known for the pieces of art for nothing,"

"What do you mean?"

"Most of the natural born citizens there have more than three tattoos by the age of eight,"

So unfair, I thought, folding my arms over my chest.

"I heard that," combing a piece of my hair behind my ear.

I blushed, of course. Then I swallowed my fear and did the impossible. "What does Caspian do, Helia? Something, I don't know, sentimental? Special?"

He kept playing with my hair then said, "Engagement and greetings and body art is just like Earth, really. Caspian is known for our virtue and such. We're also known for belonging to our one true lover, mate."

My heart dropped, like when he got hurt and almost died. I kept silent and focused real hard. I didn't want to miss a second of this whatsoever.

"That something special is hard to say," he bit his lip. "There are times when Caspians' have to break apart for a short while and then reunite. It's mainly for family matters and persona."

Break apart...? I found my chest moving up and down faster and faster.

"We...write Letters instead of face-to-face, it's odd. But its been done for plenty of centuries and everyone thinks it's okay...if you're from there." he sighed, looking into my green eyes.

"The letter," I shut my eyes and gritted my teeth together tightly. "You wrote that letter...to me...because...?"

"I had to 'rejoice' with Charlotte," he air quoted. "It was her mother's idea. She wanted us to be together and eventually get married and become king and queen of Caspian. The woman is a piece of work, I can tell you that,"

"So, you temporarily left me for her?" I asked, trying to sum it all up.

"Yeah," Helia nodded. "It wasn't the best plan I've ever had,"

"That would explain you crying over me," I smirked.

"Yeah, it would," he hesitated. "Because you're, um,"

"Your one true lover and mate?"

He grabbed my hand, moving it closer to his face again. "It takes one look," he chuckled lightly. "And you're hooked for life,"

"That would also explain you on top of me when we first met," I sat up, freeing myself from his grasp.

Nodding, he clasped my hand once more and I felt his warmth seeping out of his body. "You're not going to be believe Charlotte's little secret,"  

I forgot. How in God's name do I forget something like that? Probably because Helia just told me that he's been in love with me from his first glance at wonderful me. Oh, me. "Really, now? Was it dirty? Was she overwhelmed by your obsession with, oh, me?"

"Not even close," he waved his hand. "But you might be on to something with me talking about you often. Very often. Almost every conversation," he blushed.

That's saying something, I sighed, flushing as well.

"Basically, I did what you did,"

"Come again?" Confused? Check!

"Charlotte and I were just talking," he stopped and gave me a look. "I know what you're thinking. We only talked. We weren't listening to music and reading a magazine and watching a movie, or getting intimate," he rolled his eyes.

"So, just to be clear," I paused him. "You guys were just...talking?" I laughed. Ended up with a mouthful of pillow. I guess I deserved it.

"Although," he seemed frenzied. "There was one point where she wanted to take things to the next...what's that called?"

"Level?" I asked.

"Yeah, that's it," he nodded. Let's just remember that he's a prince here, so you have to get use to the countless slang questions around him.

"Oh, so she wanted to go to third base, riiiight?" I said smoothly, feeling like Riven for a second there. Uh, ew.

"Are you kidding? We didn't even get to second when we broke up,"

"Alright," I said, almost happy. "Continue,"

"Well, I guess you're right about the second base thing. We were in my room and she took off her sweater and shirt. Yes, yes. I was nervous and inexperienced, still am, so it was obviously awkward. For both of us,"

"Me too," I tried not to imagine this in my head. It was hard.

"So, she got comfortable on my bed. Things were going fine until Charlotte got...really relaxed,"

"Are you telling me that you dumped the chick because she was ready for sex and you weren't?" I questioned.

"What? No!" his face was red. Really, really red. "She got so relaxed that her wings came out,"

Frozen in my spot? Yes. Brain coming up with at least thirty-four questions at the moment? Definitely. Heart racing faster than it should be? Of course. Estatic to hear this? Hell yeah. I've come up with plenty of nicknames for the purple-haired, babydoll dressing wearing bitch. But this. This changed everything. And I mean everything. I had cried myself to sleep some nights on Tsunami knowing that he chose her over me. There were others were I weeped knowing I left Joey for the monster he was and how I made a mistake. But, seeing this now, it made me feel better about myself. I wasn't totally shallow like I thought I was for dumping Joey. And Charlotte, still a bitch. A lying bitch that could never be loved...by Helia.

"Demon?" I asked.

"Yeah, she said she was," he exhaled. "Her dad's one and her mom is just...a person," he shrugged. "They looked like bat wings, to be honest,"

"Joey's are feathery," I said, laying my head down on his chest. Why was I intimidated by his charm again??!!

"I bet they are," he half-smirked, stroking my white hair. "Irma?" he asked.

What now? I rolled over, gazing right up at his face.

"What's...going to happen to us now?"

"Like us, us?" I asked stupidly. Of course I knew he was talking about us.

"Yeah," he bit his lip.

"I don't know," I answered, having that painful, shitty feeling in my, you guessed it, stomach.

"I'm not saying we should, um, you know," he said, nervously.

"Get back together...?" I finished. He nodded. "I have no idea what to do," I felt like crying, but held them in.

"I'm not saying, like, right now," he told me.

"Oh, okay, good," I gulped, sitting up and taking deep breaths. Almost relieved.

"But, and this is just a thought," Helia said. "What if in the future, maybe a few months from now, we could-?"

"No," I said, not realizing it until he got up and headed for the door.

"Alright," he said, twisting the handle.

"Helia," I chocked. "I didn't mean it," I felt a single tear flow down my eye. "It's just...I can't do this. Not now. Not when our lives our in total jeopardy. The S.S. are probably on our trail and don't foget about Area-52 as well."

"You have a good point," he agreed, bummed. And there are only a few times when you get to see that certain look coming from his face. "I'm calling it a night,"

"Me too," I said, punching my pillow. "And, um," I felt my cheeks burn up.

"Yeah?"

"You didn't have to write me the letter," I said, feeling anxious. "You could of just told me everything,"

"I wish I did," he came back over to my bed, smoothing the hair on my head and kissed it. "I really do," and then, he disappeared into the night. As he shut the door silently, my heart sped up noticing the dark blue feathers shedding off of him.